What’s the over-under on how many EBT cards the Tsarnaev gang had in their heyday? Very conservatively, I’m going to say 15.
It’s difficult to nail down exact numbers, because these are, after all, undocumented Democrats, and God forbid that their privacy rights should ever be violated. As Rep. Shaunna O’Connell (R-Taunton) put it this week, “Deval Patrick can’t run the state, but he sure is good at stonewalling.”
The latest questions concern Khairullozhon Matanov, better known as “The Quincy Cabbie.” Did he or did he not have an EBT card? Calls were placed to his lawyer (who we’re paying for) but he did not return them. According to some law enforcement sources, not only did Matanov have an EBT card, but he also inherited the EBT card of confessed multiple-murderer immigrant Ibragim Todashev.
Todashev is the mixed martial arts fighter who was shot to death in Orlando by an FBI agent. Just before attacking the FBI agent, he had confessed to stabbing three drug dealers to death in Waltham on Sept. 11, 2011.
At least there is one positive thing about EBT cards — you can track where they’re being used. In the hours before he and Speedbump Tsarnaev murdered the three Americans, Todashev was using his infidel-supplied EBT card in Waltham, sources tell me.
They also tell me Todashev was living with the Quincy cabbie before he left for Florida. And that when he left Massachusetts, he paid his back rent by handing his EBT card over to Matanov.
Why not? Drug dealers use EBT cards as a form of currency, so why not terrorists? Terrorists and drug dealers have a lot in common — they’re always on welfare, and they’re usually from foreign lands.
Matanov, you may recall, was an extremely successful cab driver. Using fake names, over three years he wired $71,000 cash in 114 different wire transfers out of the Great Satan to Egypt, Jordan, Turkey and Uzbekistan.
Too bad he didn’t save any money for his legal-defense fund. But hey, that’s our job as U.S. citizens. Through their EBT cards, we pay for the pressure cookers to blow us up, and then we pay for their lawyers.
When it came to living high off the infidels, Quincy Cabbie was a piker compared to the Tsarnaevs. Naturally they all had EBT cards — they were “refugees,” after all, seeking “asylum” in America, asylum from work.
Mr. and Mrs. Tsarnaev had been living on Norfolk Street, which is in the Sectioneightistan neighborhood of Cambridge. Then they split up, an old ploy. If you split up, each “refugee” needs his own EBT card, and gets it, naturally, no questions asked. And each of the foreign freeloaders gets more dough, because despite what the old song says, two “asylum-seekers” cannot live as cheaply as one, especially if one of them is addicted to cognac.
Now that the Tsarnaev parents are back in their home country of EBTistan, they’ve reconciled.
Meanwhile, one of the Tsarnaev sisters is coming up for trial on her alleged dine ’n’ dash at an Applebee’s in Dorchester. Must be another one of those quaint customs they brought over from their home country of Shopliftistan.
Sister Bella has been arrested in New Jersey on drug charges. As for Speedbump, the dead terrorist, believed to have murdered seven people before his brother sent him to Paradise by running him over in a stolen SUV, he too had his own personal EBT card.
Anybody want to bet on who the Joker voted for for president in 2012?